Thirteen days ago today, my co-founder left me. Which incidentally happened quasi-simultaneously with a really bad fight with my girlfriend.
On Wednesday evening I received out of the blue an email from Alexis (that was my co-founder), saying he was quitting the Cognitive Social Web project because he was feeling overly stressed and did not feel motivated enough to continue. Only nine days after the official annoucement… that he posted himself.
The news came as quite a shock. At the time I did not remotely feel ready to handle absolutely alone the founding of a company and the development of an advanced web product. The amount of work and risk felt simply overwhelming.
Not to mention my disappointment to realize that Alexis was not, in fact, converted to the original vision of the project. At least not enough to stay on board.
Being alone changes everything to the way you think about the future. Knowing that there is somebody by your side that will take care of half there is fantastically mind-soothing. You can mentally write off most problems just out of knowing that you will get help, that every decision will be double-researched and double-checked. But alone, you have to keep every single detail in mind. Every single choice, each minuscule action, is yours to research, implement, and test. The amount of work may be only twice as much, but the amount of mental space it takes is tenfold.
I started brooding and obsessing about every aspect of the project, day and night. As it happened, I had to travel to Madrid for a week —leaving just 2 days after Alexis’ departure— to attend a seminar on the Semantic Web. The change of environment, meeting lots of new people, etc., certainly did have a positive impact on me and helped me make up my mind. Various things happened, but I will leave that to my inexistant personal blog.
As I was innerly obsessing over the project, I recused every technical decision made from the beginning, big and small (hosting, file upload & serving system, etc.). On what little time I could find, I rewrote nearly all of what my co-founder had written so far, using different technical choices —at times because I had different solutions in mind, and at times because I could not quite understand his code. When you are alone you have to fully understand every single line of code in your application. No legacy.
It wasn’t just tech. Obssessing about the theory of social networks, I ended up making a series of realizations about what would make the project fly or crash. I decided to remove one feature and take the time to add a few new features that would ensure that the product would be truly viable on launch.
When this mental flood started receding, it left me with a plan. I am no longer thinking about finding another co-founder. I am no longer afraid to be alone.
To be alone, is to be free. Can you see it? This is what a purpose feels like.
Expect the release within a few days.
—François